- Home
- Life Abroad
- White Women, Black Women and the Joy of Sex
White Women, Black Women and the Joy of Sex
- By Sabella Ogbobode Abidde
- Published 12/8/2006
- Life Abroad
-
Rating:
Sabella Ogbobode Abidde
If you need to reach me you may do so by clicking here; but please, do not ask me about religion. I get the evil look every time I tell people I am an agnostic who teeters on atheism. My world resolves around ethics and the rule of law. That’s it. I have no use for religion: religious convictions are not part of my existence -- the laws of man are good enough for me.
I have lived in several cities:
Every so often I get questions concerning the role and place of the African woman. Well, I don’t know; at least not with any certainty. What seems to work best is when both partners work as a team: cooperate, coordinate and collaborate their marital efforts. And they should be mindful of the insidious effect of modernization on the African family.
View all articles by Sabella Ogbobode AbiddeI was having dinner last night with a group of friends somewhere in the Adams Morgan neighborhood when an admirer walked up to me to felicitate and inquire: "what's next on your list of subjects to write about?" Well, since I don't have such a list, I didn't know what to say. As is commonly the case with me, I write whenever the spirit moves me. At other times, I write when I am sufficiently angry or befuddled. There is no routine to my style. I write when I have to write so long as I have ninety or so minutes to spare.
Taken aback by my new found friend's inquiry, I said, "Sex…I'll be writing about sex!"
The three members of my table, along with my new friend, went silent for about three seconds and then, almost in harmony, started chuckling…quietly and then loudly, followed by an uneasy silence and an inquisitive look. The stranger then asked: "pornography?" "No, no, no, that's not what I am going to write about. I am not interested in writing about sex or lovemaking or about blowjobs or things like that. I am going to tell the story of two men, one white and one black, and their experiences with sexing outside their race" was my copious response.
I was thinking along that line because I remember the time a Ugandan friend came to me to reveal his joy-filled heart after his first sexual encounter with a White girl. Not long after that, he partook in a threesome with two White damsels. After all these years, he still revels in the blissful encounters. I also remember the request of a Caucasian colleague whose life ambition was to get into the pants of a Black woman. Week after week after week, that was all he talked about; that was all he wanted for breakfast, lunch and dinner -- until fortune smiled at him. He is married to a Black woman now, but he keeps another as a mistress.
Anthony: You mean interracial sex…
Sabella: Sort of…
Bimpe: What's so different or special about interracial sex?
Sabella: Well, there are those who think otherwise…that there is a world of difference
Ada: I don't think so, sex is sex; with a black man or a white man…sex is sex
Nwachukwu: Oopss, not from what I know. My experiences are quite different
Sabella: How so?
Bimpe: Are you telling me what we do is different from what you've done in the past?
Anthony: Interesting, interesting…
Ada: Why are we having this discussion in the presence of someone we don't know?
At this junction, I wanted to ask Anthony to leave, or hope he'll take Ada's subtle hint and leave. But he didn't. Three or so minutes later, I thanked Anthony for his remarks regarding my leisure pursuits and hope he'll continue to follow my work. He shook hands with everybody and was about to leave when his companion, an obvious African -- who, as it turned out, has been his wife for six years -- showed up. She is from the Indian Island nation of Zanzibar (Tanzania). How do we ask him and his wife to leave?
Anyways, before you knew it, Ada and Bimpe and Aiisha had begun to chit-chat about small and big stuff -- there was an instant liking between the women. And before you knew it, a wait staff moved the seats to accommodate our new found friends. Half-an-hour later, Bimpe placed her right hand on Aiisha's shoulder and asked: "what's the difference between a black man and a white man?" There was no answer. There was no answer, only a startled and shy look from Aiisha. Then, her husband came to her rescue.
Bimpe:
Ada: Gosh…I got the Kama Sutra as a present on my 22nd birthday…ha, what that book can do for you…good lord, save my soul from the valley of fire!
Nwachukwu: Really? Does Sabella know you have it?
Sabella: Indeed, what that book can do for ones soul
Anthony: You all are into esoteric sex and toys…
Nwachukwu and I have been friends for over a decade. Until his marriage to Bimpe, I had not seen him with a Black woman. His last and penultimate girl friends were from Venezuela and Greece. Before that he dated a voluptuous red-hair from Texas. And even when he lived in Paris, he didn't care much for African women. He liked the way non-Africans made him feel in and out of the bedroom. He referred to his French girlfriend's vagina as the "talker" or the "grabber" because, according to him, her vagina talked to him, grabs and squeezes him. Bimpe's is the same.
He swore her vagina made him do things he otherwise wouldn't do: using his tongue and lips and fingers and things like that. He swore he sees apparitions every time they make love. He hears things. He swore Bimpe's canal did things no other (African) canal has ever done. True or not, I may never know. But ever since he introduced her, I have not stopped imagining things, wondering: is she as good as she is cracked up to be? May the good Lord forgive my soul…I am burning with lust…a fiery desire!
Aiisha: I was untaken, a virgin when I met my husband…
Anthony: From anal to oral, barebacking, ménage a trios, to erotic massage, hogging and asphyxiation to using sex toys like strap-ons and dildo we've tried it all.
Ada: Are you familiar with felching, snowballing, teabagging, bukkabe, tribbing and autoeroticism?
Anthony: Welcome to my world… Have you guys tried outercourse, i.e. frottage, interfremoral intercourse, axillary and mammary intercourse, and mutual masturbation"
Bimpe: Hey Aiisha, have you experimented with the Kegel exerciser?
Aiisha: Of course! Of course!! I also bought me a nipple clamp last week.
Nwachukwu: Aiisha, doesn't your culture forbid any of your sexual menus?
Aiisha: I am sure it does; but according to Alfred Kinsey "The only unnatural sex act is that which you cannot perform." Whatever we imagine we do if it is not gratuitous. Three years in Paris, five years in Amsterdam and three years in New Orleans, and now DC…whatever remained of my originality was diluted by 'Tony…
Anthony: It s getting late. By the way, what did you say you were going to write about?
Sabella: "Sex…I am going to write about sex!"
Anthony: In what context?
Sabella: A Black man and a White man and their attitude towards interracial sex...
Aiisha: We look forward to it…it's been nice meeting you. And thanks for inviting us to your table. I hope we meet again…Thanks!
The conversation was surreal. Most conversations about sex generally take place in the privacy of one's home. And in most cases, African women are wary of participating in such dialogue or even in admitting to taking part in or liking "outlandish sexual acts."
The more I think about the conversation, the closer I get to the realization that African women are not as timid as most men may think they are. What their western and Latin counterparts can do, African women may match or do better.Spread The Word
12 Responses to "White Women, Black Women and the Joy of Sex"
|
said this on 08 Dec 2006 4:39:41 PM EDT
Borrowing your expression, I am befuddled!
|
Author)|
said this on 08 Dec 2006 7:27:50 PM EDT
Sex is worth writing about. Hey, everyone is doing it, so lets talk about it.
|
|
said this on 09 Dec 2006 11:19:07 AM EDT
Mr. Sabella Ogbobode Abidde
This is an interesting topic. Actually, there are lots of differences in sexual relationships between African women, and her European o American counterpart. I have observed, however that the African women seem to be more resaved and somehow timid to demonstrate her fillings while in bed. Beside unlike her European o American counterpart, there are freer in bed, and get wet quickly thereby allowing you to enjoy your penetrations easily. The African women takes time to get wet thereby dificulting a free and easy penetration, in most cases you may get hurt in the process. The European o American women is also very flexible while in bed, allowing you to manipulate her to what ever position you may want unlike the African women that is somehow very hard and in most cases get tired very often.
|
|
said this on 10 Dec 2006 7:50:50 PM EDT
Sabella,
U are too much and i for one respect your literary skills.All those professional words or jagons u used in your essay where do i have to look it up b/c they are not in my dictionary.
There are a lot of factors at play when u compare a black woman and a white woman in bed eg Submission, flexibility, skill, connectedness,speaking of incomprehensible language,moaning,tonguing all the tonguables, knowledge of erogenous zones, texture of the skin, willingness to change positions, etc. The white woman is far much better in all the aforementioned except body texture.The body of a black woman is second to none but averagely they are just logs of wood on our beds b/c of their prententious nature. They don't want to be depicted as people who are lacking in morals hence they pretend to be chaste about sex. Thats why I said that a white woman is better in all ramifications apart from body texture.if u have any misgivings then try and sample the two.
|
|
said this on 11 Dec 2006 8:41:26 AM EDT
Just a response to Chichi's comment:
Though sex has become a pervasive part of humanity today, but i dare say "Everyone is not doing it" cos I know a whole lot of people, both in naija and diaspora who aint doing it. But that's not to say sex is not worth writing about.It's a beautiful thing that God created but something of worth...like jewels...can become trivialised like when a golden nugget is thrown to swines.They'd devalue it cos when the purpose of a thing ( sex inclusive) is not respected, abuse becomes inevitable. So it's worth talking about afterall, the secrecy with which our parents discussed it in hushed tunes,made us so curious as to go into adventures as teens, but we could've had a better attitude is we had a better and balanced understsndign of what sex is all about...but I doubt it's all for assuaging our erotica alone.
|
|
said this on 12 Dec 2006 1:15:12 PM EDT
Sabella
I have read a lot of your articles on this website but I am very dissappointed that you have lowered your literacy standards to talk about sex in this explicit manner.
You are feeding into the sterotype that the black man is nothing more than an "oversexed animal" who is always on the prowl for white women.
You might have well have put this article on a pornograpic website. I am surprised that the editors of this website allowed you to place such a rauncy article in here.
Aren't there any intellectual topics you can write about? I thought this was a website where Nigerians home and in the diaspora could come and discuss about important issues. Instead you are writing articles about the differences in having sex with black and white women.
Shame on you!!!
|
|
said this on 23 Jan 2008 11:01:17 PM EDT
Oh please Hazima, please take your frigid self somewhere else. Nigerians HAVE and ENJOY sex, (well maybe except you) so there! If you don't like sex, we like sex. Nobody is asking you to have it. There is nothing pornographic about this article, he is simply discussing and exploring a topic that needs to be talked about more often to ensure mutual satisfaction of Nigerian men AND women. Nigerian women are often paranoid about the idea that Nigerian men prefer women of other races, and Nigerian men often complain that Nigerian women are not as sexually adventurous as they would like, so it is good to talk about it and explore different kinds of sex to see what we like best or what pleases our partner. Sex can be very intellectual. Actually it IS intellectual. You are obviously made highly uncomfortable by sex, and I pity you because you're missing a beautiful physical and emotional experience. Sorry oh!!
|
|
said this on 01 Nov 2007 1:38:15 PM EDT
What more could be expected of "black men" who, by their very black neuro anatomy have their limbic neurons in a high state of excitement at the very thought of a white crotch.
|
|
said this on 23 Jan 2008 11:02:41 PM EDT
charlotte read my reply to Hazima. It applies to you too.
|
|
said this on 22 Apr 2008 11:16:48 PM EDT
Hispanic and Caucasian men to be by far more facially attractive than African men and that makes it difficult for a African women to get "wet" in the face-to-face missionary style sex. And to make matters worse, they (African men) are usually poor partners at foreplay and a considerable amount of time has to be spent teaching an old dog new tricks so to speak. This is not the case with white, latino, and even asian men who learn these female-pleasing tactics from a younger age and even pride themselves on these tactics. An African man on the other hand will pride himself on boasting to his male colleagues about how much sex he gets, how little he has to give to the woman, and even brags about how great he is in bed, yet till today there are no accounts of any woman anywhere stating that she had memorable sexual experience with an African man.
|
|
said this on 05 May 2008 7:02:05 AM EDT
Utter balderdash. Black, White, Puerto Rican or Asian, sex is all in the mind. Imagination is never satisfied, and when comes to stuff like sex it's best you practice restraint. That said, Indian babes are like woah. Once you can get past their initial conservativeness, they are so open to new stuff, if you know what I mean. 4 Shizzle.
|
