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What Does It Mean To Be a Nigerian Woman in America?
- By Nikki O.
- Published 04/24/2007
- Life Abroad
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I was brought here at a very young age, and led a very sheltered life. Growing up, I didn't live around any Nigerians let alone black people. Whenever I did interact with other Nigerians outside my immediate family they were always somehow related to me on some level.
The kinds of interactions I watched were skewed, so my experiences with Nigerians were shallow at best. Additionally, there were no other Nigerian children my age to interact with, so the only people to look to model Nigerianism were the elders that I was rarely allowed to interact with. Interestingly enough, when a situation arose in cultural settings, I was consistently reminded that I am a Nigerian and should remember that, and when I attempted to ask what it was to be Nigerian the response always centered on, some sort of subservient behavior or strict guideline of interaction. For example, kneeling or laying down to greet someone keeping your eyes lowered, never talking back, never speaking up, never giving an opinion, only speaking when spoken to, never give something with your left hand, never receive something with your left hand, and so on and so on.
It appeared to me that everything associated with being Nigerian centered around some rule, always seemed negative, and never had history, folklore, or substantive cultural relevance.Yet, when I interacted with American children and their families, there was a freedom, and a relaxed nurturing environment. There was an in
As I grew older the guidelines grew more stringent and I began to resist and resent many of them. Ok, so fast forward a couple of years. I have now come into my own, and realize that I can be myself, and make nooooo pretenses or apologies for being myself, and yet I still rub people the wrong way (well only Nigerians). Somehow I have developed a reputation for being rude, and disrespectful, where in other cultures I'm genuine, and unpretentious.
I'm still single, which is baffling to me because I'm actually a really pretty woman, very nurturing, respectful, and considerate. My family says its because I'm not Nigerian enough. I'm too Americanized which I know is an insult in our culture, but I just can't understand a few things. When I interact with Nigerian men, I've found some to be either too forceful, vulgar, condescending, possessive, insecure, or a blatant womanizers. My brothers aren't like this, so I am baffled are these accepted norms or character traits?
Are Nigerian men supposed to behave this way? In turn what are my actions supposed to be to counteract that? What is it to be a Nigerian woman? I mean, I see many women pretending with their fake smiles, and bogus compliments etc, and I frankly, I am tired of the Bullsh*t. With the exception of being able to cook a Nigerian meal, and speaking your native language what exactly does it mean to be a Nigerian woman in America?Spread The Word
31 Responses to "What Does It Mean To Be a Nigerian Woman in America?" 
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said this on 25 Apr 2007 6:23:26 AM EDT
Yet again another stereotypical judgement of character of masses of men from diverse cultures and homes. What your article or rant portrays to a non Nigerian is that ALL Nigerian men are negative and not marriage worthy; yet feeding into the stereotype most Westerners have held against African men.
Somehow I suspect you were raised in one of those sheltered rich homes where people lose touch with realities of life. I was raised both in Nigeria and abroad. I am well cultured as an African and a "colonized" African. I am not possesive, not sexist, not demanding etc Yet I am a Nigerian. I go about many communities in the US and UK fighting this very stereotype you are perpetuating about "your" own people. People come from various backgrounds and learn in their own ways, how to treat women and people in general. There are many Nigerian women both in Nigeria and abroad who are married to very good Nigerian men who do not fit into your classification of Nigerian men.
I hear black women talk about one issue or the other that they have with black men. So perhaps your issue is just the same as what an African American woman would have with an African American men.
So rather than rave and rant, why not pray to God to send you a man that fits your requirements and compliment your personality?
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said this on 25 Apr 2007 6:23:53 AM EDT
Darling. Welcome to the real world. The problem you face is relatively common among women who have been raised to be confident and to expect more for themselves in terms of their relationships with men. I am probably from a much older generation than you are and I am faced with some of the same challenges that you face. I was raised in Nigeria by a mother who provided me the avenue to think; to use my own initiative and not to accept just anything or any man that came my way. You have to decide if you value the fact that you are confident and unpretentious more than bowing your head and pretending to be what you are not so that you can have a Nigerian man. You also have to honestly examine whether you are being rude. Confidence and rudeness are not the same thing. There are ways to communicate disagreement to people of different cultures without being nasty, although I do have to admit that some Nigerian men are so persistent that you almost have to hit them over the head with a sledge hammer before they grasp the essence of the word ---NO. I encourage every girl to use the verbal hammer when they need to. It is foolish and destructive to pretend to be a docile subservient girl when you are not. I solved my problem by marrying a respectful and accepting African American man with whom I could be myself. You have to be willing to be honest with yourself and those around you. You have to live with yourself on the long run no matter whether the relationship you choose works out or not. Live as you believe. Perhaps I have not answered your question on what Nigerian culture is. Whatever you choose to do will define what Nigerian culture means to you. We all create Nigerian or any other culture. Good luck!
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said this on 25 Apr 2007 10:26:15 AM EDT
Honey, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Word of advice, don't restrict your choices to Nigerian men, look at men from other ethnic groups. You will be delightfully surprised!
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said this on 25 Apr 2007 11:05:11 AM EDT
You people have come again oh. Firstly, NIGERIAN MEN are not the reason you are single, you are the reason you are single. Do not blame nations of men, 1% of which you have never met, for your condition. Secondly, if quite a few people have told you, you are rude, it's most likely you are. So a bit of self reflection might be required. Thirdly, as for the Nigerian culture that you dislike so much, it might surprise you that you find it all over Africa. The age grade (I'm not your mate thingy), use of left hand etc.. If you do not understand the historical basis for this or why Africans do this, then don't use your ignorance as a cover to castigate the culture or your apparent obtuseness in this regard as a guise for being rude, sorry, being yourself! Look if you don't not like Nigerian Men and their culture, please feel free to try other men and their cultures habba, No be by force.
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said this on 25 Apr 2007 11:41:28 AM EDT
Sweetheart! Welcome to reality! I understand where your coming from.There is nothing wrong with you. You are just one of the thousands of second-generation Nigerians born in diaspora that have problems fitting into the 'Old World'....the Motherland. I dont blame you.... I blame those that brought you to a strange land at a young age and never allowed you to interact with your peers of the same age in your motherland for whatever reason and then started wondering why you were acting like an 'Oyinbo' when you are now mature. Why wont you act like oyinbo when you grew up among them and never interacted with nigerians? My dear, i would just advice you to marry from the culture you feel most comfortable or else! Marriage amongst our kin even by those born and bred in Naija is stressful enuf....to add 'Akata' join am, na double wahala for dead body! (I hope you can understand that!).
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said this on 25 Apr 2007 12:12:19 PM EDT
Nikki,
I once stood at that crossroad at some point in my life. I asked questions you are now asking. But guess what? Once you realize that there’s absolutely no point in trying to please everyone (because you really cannot), you too will experience a paradigm shift. You will begin to understand that it is more essential to surround yourself with those who truly understand you, sincerely appreciate you and can effortlessly relate to you. Somewhere out there, a man that will love and accept you for who you are is waiting. My advice, be open minded because he may or may not be a Nigerian. However, if he bears the tiniest semblance to a poster that goes by "Naijaman" in any shape or form, run! At your convenience, check out " Naija woman, Oyinbo man!" You’ll see why. My dear Nikki, life is short; no one should have to settle for less just to fit into some mold. The choices we make in life ought to ensure or improve our quality of life. That should be your issue of concern.
Best of luck!
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said this on 25 Apr 2007 1:26:03 PM EDT
I didn't even realize my article had been posted to this site. I'm excited by the responses I've received. I'm also quite appreciative of all comments whether positive, negative, ill-informed, or sadly misguided. i appreciate them all because its given me an opportunity to actually hear it from my peers. Thank you all!!!!!!
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said this on 25 Apr 2007 1:48:17 PM EDT
Baby, how you dey? Let me start by telling you that Nigerianmen are about the best, most reliable and caring of all. Don't see this as a biased statement or defense of my sex. But put on an open spectacle and see sieve reasons from my thoughts. I will not say your comments about "us" are ranting rather they are statements of experience. However, that experience might be limited in scope and percentage. If you were really not "caged" by your parents, you may have had a different point of view. And if you visited Nigeria while growing up you would have seen the real Nigerian men. In any case, you have grown pass the stage of passing blame on your parents (maybe the resources weren't enough or they have had an unfortunate experience about their motherland), you've got to look forward. And looking forward you are doing by considering to "hook up" with a Nigerain man for life. In doing this, you have to know that most Nigerian men have this stereotypical over-generalization that "American children" have attitude. As a matter of fact this phobia of divorce catches on with them and you know divorce is not African, so to say. Another direction you may have to consider or look into is "yourself". You might be confident, which is a positive character and every man should be proud of, but do not over-exhibit it to an African man or Nigerian man. He will say "which kin thing be dis", "na me you dey pasmaga for?" Then at that point they will begin to nurse the feeling of "knack and go". That is the game. Present yourself politely. Don't be too classy and over-representing. Relate with as many Nigerianmen as your time permits. In all, I wish you well in your search. You will never regret marrying a Nigerian man, if you jam the better ones and dem plenty. Just bend down, you go see. Moreover seek the face of the Lord in this journey. All good things come from Jah Jehovah and he will give you your heart desires. Don't rush it! Be cool! I wish say I go help but be cool.
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said this on 25 Apr 2007 8:35:31 PM EDT
Very informative and insightful and you bravely went against the grain that others would be afraid to.
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said this on 26 Apr 2007 5:48:18 PM EDT
nikki giurl i have to agree with Uzoma's last sentence about seeking God in your decisions. It honestly does not matter who you marry whether naija or acata as long as he respects the love you have for him, and all the other important things that comes with a good God-fearing man. the book of proverbs says "when the going gets tough, the tough get prayerful, faithful and thoughtful, before the get going".
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said this on 26 Apr 2007 8:17:11 PM EDT
My dear, it is clear that you are an african american woman born of nigerian parents. There is nothing wrong with that. If you look around, there are some african american women married to naija men and they are very happy with us. Infact, i know of this african american lady who is a medical doctor, she told me given the opportunity, she will marry a naija man over and over and over. She told me that we are tough with a good sense of purpose. There is no way one can change the way you think but do me a favor, teach your children the african way so that they will not get confused or rude when they are grown. Also do some self examination if you are actually rude
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said this on 27 Apr 2007 5:45:34 AM EDT
Despite the name calling, Nigerian men are seen as the best black males to date because of their hard work, resourcefulness, professionalism, and even in crime (successful)
Pals, there is nowhere you will go in the western hemisphere and find black male socialites, educated, professionals of different fields and not see that Nigerian male stand out. You cannot talk about Eligible bachelorhood in the black communities without considering Nigerian men a driving force.
The issue once again is simple, Nigerians are too easy to pick on, paedophilia in the home common among white men, laziness in the African-American communities, drive by shooting, baby-father syndrome, drugs, joblessness alcohol abuse and diminished responsibility apparent in many western and Caribbean black men rarely attract serious blame on these non- Nigerian males.
This is no different from a Jamaican girl telling me she was let down by 9 Jamaican men while disappointed by 2 Nigerian men, but she will never date a Nigerians again.
We should count ourselves lucky when some black woman decides to date us, so lucky that we have no right to end the relationship because we risk getting a negative global reputation in dating!
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said this on 27 Apr 2007 11:15:59 AM EDT
Girl, there is NOTHING wrong with you. Being a Nigerian woman in America means being too American or too African, depending on what the guy wants at that time. As a nigerian, also raised here from an early age, I know EXACTLY what you mean. I have decieded to make no appologies for my accent, my attitude or myself. Nigerian men are in a majority of cases, raised to believe that women should be subservient and even the most mordern of them will hold on to that idea, even when they know it's ridiculous because it works for them. I think being a Nigerian woman in America means knowing who you are and what you will and will not settle for. wish I had a better answer, if you find one let me know. until then: Africanmii.com.
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said this on 27 Apr 2007 12:13:31 PM EDT
Hi Nikki,
Every culture has it's good and bad. The NIgerian culture is not the exception.
With regards to dating and marriage, I don't want to read all these nonsense from these Nigerian/African/black women about how bad Nigerian/African/black men are.
I have said it before, the grass is always greener on the other side or so it seems ahn!.
My advice to you and other women that are always generalizing Nigerian/African/Black men, please no be by force, we don't mind if you date men from another culture or race; date Caucasian, Indian, Pakistani, Italian, Iranian, Iraqi, Afghanistan, Portugese,Syrian, Libyan, Israeli, Autralian,Spanish, Brazillian, Japanese, Chinese, Filipino, Mongolian and even Butan men and then you can find out how more civilized and better these men from other cultures are from Nigerian/African/Black men.
For whatever reasons some of our sisters have the talent for picking and attracting the worst and bottom of the barrel of the men in their respective cultures, instead of facing the realities and adjusting their strategies or attitudes; when eventually, they find out that all that gilters is not always gold, they then generalize about every single Nigerian/African/Black men out there.
I will say it again, there are millions of Nigerian/African/Black men in every country around the world where you live, if you keeping attracting the worst of them, then you are definately doing something wrong; either with your strategies or you are the source of your own problems.
I have friends from different cultures (both male and females)I have never heard of Indian, Caucasian, Iranian and even Iraqi, Pakistani... and women of other races and or culture complain about how hard it is to meet men from their own culture or denigrate their men like Nigerian/African/Black women.
Please enough of these nonsense. I am not saying that all Nigerian,African/Black men are faultless, but you know he is bad for you but thinking that you can change him or he will change for you is the begining of your problems.
Nikki, let me end by quoting Peter Tosh for you "no matter where you come from as long as you have a black skin, you are an African, don't mind your nationality, you have the identity of an African" You have your own destiny in your hands.
Sisters you have eyes and ears, use them well.
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said this on 27 Apr 2007 1:17:40 PM EDT
I enjoyed reading your article and I do have some comments for you.
Why is it that so many Nigerian women are bent on clinging to Nigerian men? Why aren't Nigerian women adventurous as Nigerian men?
Nigerian men date women of all races, nationalities and ethnicities but Nigerian women rarely do. Why? Why are we bent on this "Naija Guy" mentality as if they are the only men on this globe. Coming to America has made me realize that they are so many fishes in the sea to choose from. A Nigerian man will be the first to explore all the different kinds of women out there - Oyinbo most preferably but a Nigerian woman will still be waiting for her Naija prince.
Please don't get me wrong at all. There are many hardworking, pleasant and nice Nigerian men out there who are very loyal to their spouses and great fathers to their children although it's always the negative minority among them who make the headlines. I don't want to sterotype Nigerian men as just belonging to one group of men who are promiscious, loud mouthed and male chavnists.
I know a Nigerian friend of mine who has been in the United States for about 16 years and was married to a Nigerian man who badly maltreated her and eventually walked out on her but yet she is still insisting on marrying another Nigerian man. I tried to encourage her to date men from other nationalities - even men from other african countries but she insisted that she only wants to be married to a nigerian man.
My advice to my fellow Nigerian women - Please try and be open minded!! There is a big world out there of very lovely men who aren't "Naija". Open up your heart and mind a little bit and experience something different for once.
Other african woman are really more open minded compared to Nigerian woman who are very narrow minded in their thoughts.
Nikki (Abi na Nike) Please if you can't find the Nigerian man that is fit enough for you then start looking at other options.
I wish you the best in your search for your life partner.
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said this on 27 Apr 2007 7:52:11 PM EDT
In response to COMMENT#12 Nigerian men are just like any other men be they Jamo, Akata, Oyinbo. There aren't any statistics as yet written indicating the "superioirity" of Nigerian men in Yankee, Jand ,Malayasia or any nation. It's easy for any woman to to find a lay-about ne'er do well but harder work and deeper focus will yield good results. I respect the opinion of the writer for her honesty. Too many people are held as cultural captives (mostly women) and provoke the ire of those who say Naija woman for Naija man while Naija man marries women of other nationalities or races. I suspect this sisters opinion is shared by many others of similar background but cultural captivity often mutes their stepping forward.
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said this on 27 Apr 2007 8:51:42 PM EDT
There is no such thing as a single "Nigerian culture" Or Nigerian men! I am a Nigerian man in the US happily married to an American girl with our kids.I have met very good Nigerian men and women as well as Vietnamese,Spanish,Whites and black.There is no reason why you should narrow your search only to "Nigerian Men".Expand your scope and you just might find your Mr Right.Best of luck.
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said this on 30 Apr 2007 12:50:43 AM EDT
I enjoyed reading what you wrote. Having to deal with stereotyping is in ALL cultures. I am African American and recently married a Nigerian man. The Immigraiton Office just approved he and my stepson to come to America, and prayerfully he should be here by June or before August at least. We were married in Apapa, Lagos, Nigeria, and I enjoyed meeting my in-laws. As with all cultures there are some "dos" and "don'ts", but for the most part, I believe we should just be true to ourselves and not allow others to make us into a person they are happy with, and we are dying inside. Just be Yourself!
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said this on 30 Apr 2007 7:16:54 AM EDT
I say all this holabaloo about African men is really getting to me!! I say, let all African men start marrying more wives as our culture dictates so that these frustrated old ladies will find loving homes at least and stop hankering on about what African men do and trying to wreck the homes of those who have found their men! Pls Nikki O, or whatever your name is, I will marry and cater for you as a 2nd wife if you are pretty and obedient. So email me back if you like and we can even get into a prenupt if you desire that, just so you can be sure I'll be a loving father, husband and anything you want!!! A big wa for the lost African brothers and sisters in the diaspora....the sad truth is no matter how much you struggle to be white, you'll never be accepted by them as white or even close. Take a hard look at the African-Americans who know no other home or culture they still are not accepted as white nor can they ever be, so why bother trying? To the real brothers out there, my advice is; MARRY MORE WIVES OH!!!!
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said this on 21 May 2008 6:11:40 PM EDT
To Bona, Has long as you can PROVIDE EQUALLY IN terms of Emotional, Financial, Physical, and Mental to all your wives be it 2, 3, 4, 5. then i say go for it.
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said this on 30 Apr 2007 2:20:01 PM EDT
Looking forward to reading more of your articles on this subject. Mai sista keep pushin'.
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said this on 03 May 2007 2:55:44 PM EDT
Nikki, I understand every word you say in your article. I'm sure there are thousands of Nigerian women in your shoes. In my opinion, Nigerian men are some of the best in the world. The virtues go on and on... They are extremely hardworking, intelligent, classy, loyal, supportive... the list goes on. But with all these positives, there are a few negatives.... and these are extremely negative. It is not easy to date or let alone marry a Nigerian man. You have to really want to marry a Nigerian to be with one. Most times they are very difficult and (although most would dissagree)... still have the chauvinistic mentallity that most of our fathers and grandfathers had. You really have to know what you're getting yourself into... You seem like a very sweet person, and I hope that you meet the right person for you. I believe that Nigerian women that grew up with Nigerian men would probably know how to handle them better. You have to ask yourself what your ultimate goal is. Is it to marry a Nigerian man or to marry somebody that makes you happy? If the latter is the case then you are better off widening your choices to include men from other countries. If this is not an option for you and you only want to be with a Nigerian man, then you have to excercise patience and humility and take them as they come. You can't change a Nigerian man... If you want to be happy, you just have to let him be the boss. It's as simple as that. He will do anything for you and will give you the world.. but you always have to respect him and show your gratitude. Well, you decide what you want. Good luck.
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said this on 04 May 2007 9:01:48 AM EDT
Comment #4, i salute you, when you told her that she, and not Nigerian men, is the cause of her problem, i felt u. She is just so clueless, she needs to know that when you start complaining about those around you, the first person to blame should be yourself. I'm a Nigerian female, I love Nigerian men, I love their blackness, their realness, their strength. Even if I travelled all around the world and had a pick of men, I'd choose my Naija guy anyday. Please. Love your neighbor, MS NIKKI. Love yourself.
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said this on 07 May 2007 8:32:59 PM EDT
Nikki's question hit home for me. I share a similar background and have wondered what it really means to be "Nigerian". In fact, most of the time, what I do know about Nigeria, I looked up on the Internet--because all parents will say is: Children should be seen and not heard. Nikki, if you do have further luck with resolving this issue, I am very interested--especially in regards to dating.
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said this on 08 May 2007 6:15:30 AM EDT
Nikki, I understand what you are talking about. My advice is BE YOUR Self! If he is ment for you, be he Naija or not, he will love you as you are.... To all the women out there like Nikki, myself included, you don't see Naija men worrying about these things, so why should we? If they don't have to change for us, why should we change for them? To comment # 19, very funny!
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said this on 10 May 2007 3:50:39 AM EDT
I understand your perspective Nikki and encourage you to seek after what God has for you. I am the true embodiment of African-American. I was raised in the states, both of my parents are Nigerian and I grew up surrounded by Nigerians. It is a delicate position to be a Nigerian-American. You are not considered fully Nigerian nor fully American. At the end of the day you must decide who and what you want to be and how you want to live your life. The only person who can put you in a box is you. Naija men may not be in the cards for you but I would not give up on them just yet. As with any culture, there are the good and there are the not so good. Do not lose hope. You expressed your opinion and it should be taken as just that, an opinion. Perception is reality and so this is yours. I wish the best for you and salute you for your honesty.
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said this on 10 May 2007 7:54:52 PM EDT
If you are "really pretty" as you eloquently put it, you really shouldn't have problems finding a Nigerian man or any man for that matter. I'm a Nigerian man who grew up in America. I fit into both cultures seamlessly and I date who I want to. Women are the same at the end of the day (with good qualities and bad) and men are equally the same. You'll find good Nigerian men and bad; and good 'Akata' men and the truly hopeless. As a parting shot, I would say look at yourself closely. It may be, just maybe, that there's something YOU are doing wrong. But who knows? Good Luck, Nikki!
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said this on 12 Jul 2007 2:46:44 PM EDT
I quite agree with some of the issues you have raised about Naigerian men, but i think you should consider the option of dating men from other nationalities. I believe there is someone, somwwhere for everone, all we have to do is broaden our minds to see them when they come. Hnag in there and you will see someone who loves you for you.
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said this on 28 Aug 2007 3:38:00 PM EDT
First of all it seems that Nikki is only portraying her own personal experiences with her own cultural interactions. She came to America at a very young age. She mentioned that the exposure she experienced to her own culture was minimal at best. I find it very astonishing that her family would tell her that the reason she is still single is because she is not "Nigerian" enough????? So then my question would be.
What does it mean then to be Nigerian?
What aspect of "Nigerianism" would guarantee her a mate?
Nikki, this all depends on whom you are looking to be your mate. Are you interacting with various enthnicities in men? Or are you focuses on just one ethnical group? Have you dated African American men?? Have you dated White men? Have you dated Asian men? Have you dated Hispanic men? Do you get the same reactions from them as you do Nigerian men? You have to realize that you are not condemd to one culture.
You have choices in men.
You have choices in ethnicities to choose from.
You live in a free land and are free to date or marry whom ever you choose.
I repsect your experiences with Nigerian men, but you must realize that they are YOUR experiences. Not all Nigerian men can be classified in this manner. However, those Nigerian men who have been brought up and raised to expect their woman to be subservient and docile will expect for you to be that way. And if you are not, then you will be looked at as being rude. This notion of expectation is a fallacy, and having to pretend to be something you are not contradicts the very meaning of what it is to be human.
Personally, I dont want my woman to be docile or submissive. I want her to have a brain and to use it. If I hand her something, she is free to use whichever hand she chooses to receive it. As long as their is mutual respect between us, and appreciation of one another, there is nothing more that is really needed. Everything else will fall in place. Yes, the man is the Head of Household but lets not take this notion out of context. Woman were put here for more than just procreation. A man should love his woman just as he loves himself, and nurture her for who she is and allow her to be herself.
I have dated 3 Nigerian woman here in the America. All three woman are very beautiful, smart, and they dont mind speaking up for what they believe in. Unlike what your family thinks you should be Nikki, these NIgerian woman who have been in America for less than 5 years are all going to school for NURSING, one has graduated with her Bachelors Degree in Nursing, owns her own home, drives a very nice car and lives alone, the other 2 who are ages 24 and 25 are both in the School of Nursing, both own cars and have nice apartments. One of them I still date. Believe me, none of them act docile, or subserviant. They are "take control" woman who are successful and often talk to me about the ways of their homelife in Nigeria. Mind you, they do portray a certain mannerism unlike that I have seen amongst African American woman. And a certain way the walk and carry themselves.
All in all, Nikki. Be yourself. You wont have to go to a man. He will come to you. Continue on with your life. Dont allow people to dictate to you the way you are supposed to act. As long as you are not doing anything illegal, and have the right people as friends, you will be all right.
Much Love to you my sister!
MJ
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said this on 10 Apr 2008 12:06:37 AM EDT
hi nikki i enjoyed reading your article i am a african american women for a long time i have wanted to know what it would be like to visit or be from africa but i have some people around me saying things like would not want to go to africa that its poor or its dirty i just see something that they dont see i would really like to know where i come from i read up a lot about africa i dont see what some other people see so i get how you fell so i just always just listen to what is in my heart so you do the same take care
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said this on 25 Apr 2008 9:37:12 AM EDT
This sort of remark is expected judging from the essay the things that you touched upon ; the differences that you indicated such as things that we nigerians do and say.....I do not blame you at all but I do derive one point from your disdain for Nigerians as a whole not just the women but also the men. Now I am a nigerian who was born in the village of Idomila , in the Ogun state region of the Old western state of Nigeria and having gone to school in the country spent all my adult life in both England and the USA. Two great countries by the way but also have their drawbacks ; their negatives and also their positives ; their ways of lifes and also the ones some of us have been forced to live if you get my drift. From your article, you really have not been in the presence of good and gracious nigerians who have experienced both cultures and be able to expalin the reasons why we nigerians from our cultural perspectives do certain things that some of us can not believe sometimes. Let me pick on one thing that you said and thats is about NOT USING YOUR LEFT HAND . Now its not that you cannot use it . Its the way you go about it. Some beleive that picking up food with your left hand and giving it to your fellow is wrong . Why because in Nigeria we believe that people wipe their ass with their left hand mostly . Although you washed your hands that does not mean that you cleaned it well. That notion is rampard in that society.....you do not have to agree with it but thats the way it is. You can disagree on a lot of issues facing Nigerians but if you move around us more often you will understand certain things about our culture . In most cultural settings in Nigeria , our elders do not really take their time to sit with their young to actually teach us the culture but whenever certain situation arise they always point out these cultural attributes and thats the way we learn. You sounded like a very lost Nigerian wannabe Foreigner.....a lot of us are just like that. There are alot of issue with Nigerian Men with regards to Womanising...but what you failed to understand is that most if not all of these men come from POLYGAMOUS SETTINGS and not all of us womanise . I am not even sure that you have confidence in yourself ....you mention that you are still single......well you will continue to be untill you face your own demons. If you do not find a nigerian man; you have african american; other african countries have plenty of black men ...the issue has nothing to do with Nigerian men ; its an individual thing...all men are the same from one race to the other...white men womanise too; so does chinese, italian, korean, spanish, brazillian an dthe beat goes on. I advise you to check yourself lady ; may be you love yourself too much that you failed to compromise certain things; may be you choose the wrong men...
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