It’s been a long time since last I went to a funeral. I thought about it now and the last one I could remember was my dad’s in 1982, until recently that is.

I generally don’t like funerals, especially of a young person; I hate to see people crying ostensibly for the dead when all they are really crying about is their own loss. What he/she would not be able to do for them any longer. Most times I envy the departed; it’s not as if this world is so fantastic that anyone would want to hold on to it. Not that I’m suicidal, far from it. To be truthful I do think about it sometimes but too cowardly to carry it out, if I could maybe I would. Plus I have responsibilities, even though I can’t seem to catch up with it these days.

Not catching up with my responsibilities, I dare say, is not my fault, at least I don’t think it is, a situation that made someone to call me a failure very recently, after all I am 40 and cannot really lay claim to any property or some fancy cars or some fancy office or house. I do have a law degree and a law license to practice in America, what good does that do you when it is not translating to money, the only language most fools understand. Most of my heroes were not rich materially anyway, intellectually they were giants and when the fool is parted with his money intelligence stands the test of time.

I avoid the dead like the plaque whenever I can and when I do go the person is either very dear to me or close to someone that is dear to me.

I observe people at funerals. All sort of people, it is indeed the gathering of the good the bad and the ugly. The pastor, if there’s one would tell us about life and how the person had lived a good life. I bet if I die today and the family can afford to give me a burial and a pastor were to be there, no matter how much anyone thinks I am a failure I would still have lived a good life, wouldn’t I? People that consider me a failure would suddenly have a different view of me; after all you don’t speak badly about the dead. My life would suddenly be one that is worthy of emulation.

At a funeral someone said no matter how strong you are you can’t win the fight against death and said of that dead person “she had fought many battle but this is a battle she lost” I thought that wasn’t very nice but facts are hardly ever nice. Another person stood up to say she won the battle against death, everyone, including me, seems to like that but the fact is no one wins the fight against death, maybe cancer these days but not death.

 The pastor too glorifies the person’s death by saying she said she was ready, are we ever really ready?

I like to think I am ready sometimes, when I look at my responsibilities, most of which I cannot meet like I said earlier, it would be so very selfish to say I am. Ready or not death doesn’t really give a damn, when it’s your turn you are gone.

So there was the pastor talking about brevity of live, the uncertainty and the futility of the things we place some premium on and how it is a better place up there and so on and so forth. Whether or not there’s a better place I can’t say, death seems to have such finality about it, you don’t ever see the person again although the pastor did not agree, the person was born again and is presently feasting with the savior but if you must see her again you must be born again too, he says.

That must have been a bit difficult for some family members who are Muslims. Probably that will be the last time they see that particular person since according to the Christian doctrine they will not be seeing heaven after all what is the connection between light and darkness, remember “do not be unequally yoked with the unbeliever”. Perhaps to those Muslims she won’t be going to heaven, after all “you may be born as many times as you want but die not except as a Muslim” I guess God must be the judge in that contest but then we won’t know until the judgment day since “it is appointed unto man once to die and after that judgment”.

When I am cold dead and laying in a casket, assuming there is one, I wonder what they would be reading, probably the bible since majority of my family are Christians and I was born one or maybe one of my sisters all of whom are married to Muslims would bury me and it would be according to the Muslim’s rites, as the papers usually say.

I lost my niece once, she was going to be one, my sister’s first child, she did not have another one for a long time after that. She was so bitter, she cried, she was inconsolable. That was then, life continues, I wonder how many times the dead girl crosses her mind these days. When 56 years old people die these days I think they were young, they were 56, maybe younger, they must be young to me, I am 40 and that means 16 years time, frightening isn’t it? At 56 my oldest will be around 25 going on 26, I wonder what he would think.

So the pastor said the things we care about in this world doesn’t matter, some people wrote down the messages including that one but would that make them not think much about someone leaving a scratch on their cars or their valuable tables? You bet it won’t. the pastor might have said worldly possession does not matter and they might have written it down but that is all about going through the motion of funeral, if anyone’s car was stolen at the end of the funeral service or his/her house bugled I bet it will be another grieving moment.

Love is all that matters, says the pastor. Maybe, maybe not. What do we understand by love anyway? 

Is love admiration or affection or consideration or what?

Love and marriage, I love some bible verses on them:

"When one finds a worthy wife, her value is far beyond pearls. Her husband entrusting his heart to her, has an unfailing prize."
Proverbs 31:10-11

I wonder what makes a wife worthy, is it  the love she bestows on her husband or is it her value in terms of decision making in this economically challenged world?

So they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, no human being must separate."
Mark 10 2-16

That makes me laugh for real for what God has joined together, if he did and not the pastors anyway, the judges will gladly put asunder making pronouncements on division of property and child support. Check your local newspapers for details. And oh, we’re Christians aren’t we?

"I may be able to speak the languages of human beings and even of angels, but if I have no love, my speech is no more than a noisy gong or a clanging bell. I may have the gift of inspired preaching; I may have all knowledge and understand all secrets; I may have the faith needed to move mountains-but if I have no love, I am nothing. I may give away everything I have, and even give up my body to be burned-but if I have no love, this does me no good."
1 Corinthians, 13:1-13

In order words whatever it is that we possess if there’s no love they are nothing, I bet this does not stop people for marrying for reasons other than love as in security for instance.

Well, I can go on and on. I have been interested in love for a long time, I wonder sometimes if I have it, I can tell you no one says it to me these days and I hardly ever say it to someone else, I do say it sometimes, but at other times I wonder if we do love for real.

I love the idea of love even though some people do not believe in it. Sometimes people say I am not ready for love but I wonder, do you get ready for love or does it just happen? I think the idea of whether or not we are ready for it is the reason why we choose wrong partners. Some people say “I don’t fall in love easy” is there a measurement as to when someone should fall in love? I believe when you are the one determining when you fall or not fall in love the best you can have under such situation is affection and not love, you just met a guy and you love some qualities in him, that’s what happened, not that you love him. After falling in love with the qualities and not the guy and you eventually broke up you claimed your heart is broken, you never loved with your heart in the first instance.

I have also heard people say “I love him I’m not just in love with him”. I wonder what stupid individual came up with that saying, bringing complexities into an otherwise simple phenomenon. You either love someone or you don’t, you might have affection for someone or care about them those things are not the same as being in love with them, so I think it is acceptable to say “I care about him but I don’t love him” than to say “I love him I’m just not in love with him” that sounds so unintelligible, a work of a tardy thinker. That’s my opinion of course.

Most people’s minds are closed, thinking they are wise and it is that wisdom that will make love escape them, perhaps for eternity. We love with our head rather than with our mind. When and if eventually they find love that’s when you hear them say “I have never felt like this before” and that would be after telling several men and women they love them.

When you love, you will experience the glory and you will be in it for a lifetime, nothing is ever going to break it and nothing will ever make it fizzle away. If we continue looking for criteria in other to fall in love, like asking someone to submit a resume for a job when the qualities enumerated in the resume fizzle “love” fizzles with it. Look at people’s profile on dating sites and look at classified section of your newspapers on jobs, you will see similarities. Don’t be surprised to see something like this:

I am looking for a black/white man, with a job, no wife no kids, pets are ok. No mommy or baby mama’s drama, no child support and absolutely no girlfriend. He/she must be between the ages of 20 and 35, with no prior criminal convictions. Absolutely no African, Mexican Puerto Ricans or Jamaicans, on second thought, Jamaicans may apply cause me and my girlfriends are visiting Jamaica in June. I am 45 years old love younger men and I have 5 children.

 If we continue using all these unnecessary criteria to fall in love we will never really be happy and we will continue to jump from one partner to another. Internet is a good thing but it has made it worse too since we feel like we can just dispose of one partner and jump in with another one. Music doesn’t help either, remember “you must not know bout me, I can find another you in a minute”

Whatever matters, when the time comes you will lie alone in your casket, unmoving, lifeless and don’t think you have done anything spectacular such as your life being a lesson for others to follow. They will make their own mistakes and die leaving all these things that they hold so dare.

Why am I even writing about death during Christmas period? Maybe I won’t post this or maybe I will, not my intention to mess anyone’s Christmas up. Why not write about death, after all this is Jesus’ birthday (some said he wasn’t born at this time of the year, Roman’s culture?), someone who died for others’ sins, maybe I will go ahead and post it, good or bad, it depends on what you want out of it.

Happy Christmas and I wish everyone that was part of Minorities Interests this year a very merry one, especially Bro. George Malik al-Mahdi who incidentally might not be celebrating Christmas since he’s a Muslim and Rev. George Michael Okafor who will be very much involved in Christmas festivities.

To all those who took time to read my articles this year on whatever website, I really appreciate your readership. If I don’t get to write another one before New Year since I am busy looking for a job so I will cease to be a failure, happy New Year too.