When you saw the title what came screaming in your head? Sacrilege, barbarity, Stone Age, pedophiles, chauvinistic, idiotic? Wait a minute. Polygamy is what it is – no name calling. The institution of polygamy is as old as marriage it self perhaps a few years in between. Polygamy in the Western World where most African entities have become economic refugees is largely frowned upon; over the years after being subjected to brain washing, western propaganda and conquest- the new African have since abandoned this very important pillar of the traditional African Society. Now most educated Africans of middle class stature, frown at polygamy. It is a regarded as evil, demeaning and of no consequence to the life of the modern African.

But history tells us otherwise: between the classical world religions that are at each other’s throat today i.e. Christianity, Judaism and Islam – what is common to their holy books is a subtle endorsement of polygamy. Before you the Christian start blabbing, the only man referred to as the friend of God and a man after God’s own heart was a polygamist i.e. King David. In the Westernized society we live in they marry same gender people all in the  name of freedom and rights, it smacks of hypocrisy that polygamists will be denied equal rights as would-be homosexual couples.

I have never heard of homosexuals being friends of God in the good book and it is more saddening when you hear Africans that now look down on their polygamous heritage now tooting the horn of the white man for him in declaring approval for gay marriage, gay union or gay philandering as the case may be. If gays can be left to their bedroom, leave polygamists there too. While some will hide behind women rights and child protection to oppose polygamy, the same identical case can be made against same sex union –yet they ignore this to push their neo-colonialist agendas. Go talk about women rights to great women polygamists like Dr. Dosunmu Abiola a PhD holder and fourth wife of late business mogul Chief MKO Abiola. I hardly think she was forced into that marriage or she is ignorant by any stretch of my imagination.

Indeed, the definition of the word “polygamy” have been contrived to suit the wishes of the white man. Given the history of world civilization and conquests, it is the domineering race that gets to define the standards of public morality as well as the meaning of words used to debase, dehumanize and disrobe the subjugated culture of anything left of their civilization. As such, in the time of the Pharaohs if your civilization was not into the Egyptian practice of royal incest then you are regarded as backward. Pharaohs married their kits and kin and that was the royal standard then.

In examining the true meaning of the word “polygamy” we shall examine the root words. “Poly” as you already know means multiple. “Gamy” on the other hand is a reference to gametes a key party in the process of mammalian sexuality, fertilization and subsequent reproduction. As such polygamy can only truly refer to have multiple sexual partners as opposed to multiple legal marriages as the white man will want you to believe. The problem with defining polygamy as such is that it will expose “Massa” white as not only a closet polygamists but a servile, blue blooded barbarian man that needs to satisfy his sexual appetite like every one of us through his lifetime by either being a “serial monogamists” – read polygamist, regular divorcee – read polygamists, or mistress keeper-read polygamists.

Since it is now firmly established that men being men will always be polygamists given that I can boldly posit that less than 5% of men that grow up to their twenty first birthday and lived to their fortieth in the world we live in today will taste just one sexual partner in their lifetime, it is now useful to examine the very institution of polygamy. Polygamy as I have posited earlier is perfectly natural as opposed to being homosexual. I am yet to come across homosexual plant and animals, our fellow living things (even though I know they might exist in Netherlands and San Francisco), but polygamous animals and plants proliferate nature. Given the Hobessian

In the African society as opposed to Jewish, Islamic, Mongoloid and European setting, polygamy was acceptable as a useful instrument of social order. Till this day it exists in four forms with various merits and demerits. The pure traditional polygamists devoted to polygamy for the sake of raising a big family, a huge human resource and consequently a tool to empowerment: this form of polygamy is fast disappearing. On the other hand, another form of polygamy is hegemonic polygamy. Hegemonic polygamists is practiced to achieve the goal of multiple sexual partners by all means possible including the cost of economic reality- this is very common today especially among the poor and at middle class of Nigeria: Sabella is a typical example (just joking). Hegemonic polygamy is already having traction in America while some of these juicy feminist are trying to confuse us in Nigeria- there was a protest last month sef!

This is opposed to a third form which I call Capitalistic Polygamy – this polygamy is rooted in the belief of the “survival of the fittest” – a rich man should enjoy the spoils of his wealth including multiple women who are willing conspirators in this enterprise. From MKO Abiola, to Fela to Obasanjo and to virtually all Nigerian past leaders except the Great Obafemi Awo (a man so devoted to monogamy he will be called gay if he schooled in America); these big men are Capitalistic Polygamists like their American counterparts e.g. Bill Clinton, Hugh Hefner of playboy fame, Warren Buffet –until first of two partners died recently, (I am beginning to think polygamy is a path to success). Funny enough, most women tend to be less critical (even if they do, they so tongue-in-cheek: hypocrites!) of this group because all of them are willing participators. In their books, only rich men deserve double or multiple dipping as the case may be.  Lastly we have the paternalistic polygamists – this is more common in certain cultures, where old men will acquire young, innocent girls – what you might refer to as statute rape and pedophilia. For all intent and purpose, I only frown at this last form of polygamy.

While polygamy was not perfect, and it might have various negative impact of child rearing, it is also true that it served a purpose among which was economic empowerment for the subsistent farmer that gets free labor, partners for women hitherto that will be left out there cold e.g. widows, older women, single mothers and certain social misfits; it also served the larger purpose of procreation. Since statistically speaking, there will be more women than men given the paucity of the Y chromosome (men carry XY, women carry XX if you map this your chance of having a male child is one in four), it is as such natural that if polygamy is disallowed the next best thing is homosexuality i.e. lesbianism where women will have no choice but to have sexual relationship with themselves. Also in light of the fact that monogamy with his rocket high divorce rate, infidelity and in fighting is hardly a model for raising children, polygamy might as well be taken with its bad pill.

Given that I am just a soothsayer- a day will come in the world where wars, poverty and natural disasters that have played a crucial part in at least keeping the female population only two to three percentage points ahead of men will disappear and then we will have a serious problem on our hands. The time to start considering our alternatives is now- given that Africans are endangered species, populating the world with more black children will not be a bad idea. There is no wrong in digging into the past to seek answers to the problem of today. As for women marrying more than one man, I dare you feminists!

Disclaimer:

At this point it shall suffice to add a disclaimer, that my examination of the subject of polygamy is not an endorsement of such actions. I mean, who gives his daily food to the stay cat to eat? I shall not be made to face the full repercussions of saying the truth because the likes of Uche and Sabella will not say it. Moreover, it is not that I am, had been or will be a polygamist – in fact, admitting such will be tantamount to breaking the three cardinal rules of polygamists, which are: Denied, Deny, Denying. May the bones of our forefathers not break and rot – Amen.