Why was there a need for you to go back to work, a decision that sparked the talk that you didn’t observe your mourning period fully?

 

Anybody who said I didn’t complete my 40 days of mourning before I started working, that person lied. My mum and my aunties took it upon themselves to ask everybody, from elderly people and from his family that knew about the culture. They asked them how many days, what I was supposed to do, the dress code, even something that was against my tradition like frying puff-puff and sharing it to beggars, we really don’t do that where I come from, but it was expected of me and I did it, and waited until after the 40 days before I went to do a job that had been paid for the previous year, long before Jaiye died. And after the death of my husband, nothing was coming, it was only from people, good hearted people that felt that I deserved a life and I deserved to feed my children that help came from and I didn’t expect that to come everyday. Because even after some days, people would have to move on with their life, not have me as an added responsibility, because they all have theirs as well. They could only try but after a while, they expected that at least, there’s somewhere else that help is coming from. But between God, and myself there was nowhere else that help was coming from. My children had to go to school, I had to feed. My husband and I were owing my landlord rent before he died and that was a million naira. There were so many things that we had done, repair maintenance we had not paid for before he died, and nothing was coming, everybody just took off. Nobody called me to say, take, this is half bag of rice. People that you would expect that even if Stella is not in their agenda, at least, my children, Jaiye’s children……I didn’t care what anybody was going to say, but you see these girls, they would never lack for one day, and they would continue to go to school. I didn’t care if I’m living under the bridge, I was ready to leave it all. Infact I’d even said if anybody had come and said give me this or that owned by Jaiye, I was ready to give it up. The most important thing was that, that thing which the enemy was looking for they would not get, my kids would never be hungry because they’ve said that “ah the reason I married him was his big money, now that Jaiye is no longer around, lets see how she’ll survive”, but they will see, I will survive. I started working, I had to, because my mother looked at me and said to me “if you like, stop your life, sit in your room and lock yourself up and cry all day, whether he’ll come back, but what I will never let you do is to let those children go hungry, or to let somebody laugh at you and come and be feeding you at your young age. What if this happened to you at 40 something, and you didn’t have the strength to build your life, how can you make your husband proud?” She kept reminding me every time that if there was anything Jaiye used to say, it was that if there’s anything that he was living for, it was for his family, “to take care of my wife and my children. If I like I will wear rag, so long as my wife and children are looking fine”. That’s what he lived for. And the only thing I can do is to make sure that these children are fine. All those who were saying “Stella you know, I think you should sit down, you cannot be running around looking for work”, I say those people that are misconstruing all these things, have they ever offered me one naira. I should sit at home, fold my hands and let hunger catch me and my children. You that is talking, what have you offered me?

 

What pained me most was that everyone was concentrating on what people would say about me. I said people would always say one thing or the other about you. “My husband don die, them dey talk, your husband no die, them go still talk”, but at the end of the day, what is important to me are my girls. So I’m ready to go through what anybody wants to do to me, but those children, I will never joke with them. Many people even said” Oh! Its too early to start work”, no problem, who doesn’t like to stretch leg, but bring the money now! To make matters worse, I was banned for acting, so what was I supposed to do? It wasn’t easy o, I won’t lie. I don’t know why they were saying it but people kept saying during the burial, elderly people who came to my house said to me “ better st

op crying, cry all you can and clear your eyes because things are going to start happening!” next thing I knew, people were making demands, asking for this and that, and I’m like “e never even reach how long, what’s going on?” and then I understood. At a point if people came to give me things, I was now afraid to accept them, as I didn’t know who was against me or who was for me. That’s how I read that I was dating somebody even during the burial period; I wondered what was going on. Even when Gbenga Obasanjo tried to help me, the next thing I read, was that I was dating him. It was like anyone who extended a hand of help to me was attacked and scared away. I wonder how with people always around me, I could be indulging in such a thing. I said to myself, “do these people think im mad? I just lost my husband, and they were already accusing me of dating somebody, what sort of person do they think I am?”

 

After Jaiye died, I found it hard to sleep and I couldn’t switch off the light, even up till now, though I now sleep, but the television has to be on. I still don’t switch off everything, because I’m still not myself. I’m coming out now and working and stabilising, but then, I’m still not Stella, how I used to be.

 

There were equally talks about you stepping out, that you were always seen in the company of Sammie Okposo, which became hot gist. So Stella, what is the truth about your relationship with Sammie?

 

First of all, Sammie was the first person I met when I came to Lagos. He was the first person to give me a job. I’ve known Sammie for 10 years and we’ve been very good friends. All through the time he’s had his relationship, I’ve always been there as his friend, and all through the time I was married, he’s always been there as a friend. When all those press stories were coming out, especially when Jaiye died, that’s when you’d know who your friends are. A lot of people took off, lots of people that made promises. I will never forget Kate Henshaw in my life, because she’s one of those people that, no matter what people say…even the first show that I did that a lot of people started writing that I didn’t observe my 40 days, I told her that “everything was going to get controversial” but I had to keep working. Kate held my hand, walked with me into the venue, waited for me, and when I finished doing my 4 songs, she took me to my house before she left for her own house. Everything I was always doing, she was always with me, while all my other friends ran away. At that time, Sammie wasn’t around, but when he came back, he heard a lot of things that was going on. And I told him everything, I poured out my heart. And he said to me, “ you see, I’m the most controversial person.” He used to tell me that “when it comes to press, I don give 10 women belle at the same time, so when it comes to controversy, I know it but if you need anything, let me know, I will not run away from you.”

There are 4 people apart from my family that stood by me, Kate, Sammie, Bena and Rosco, they never left me. At that time, which guy did I have to beg to come along with me when I have to go for a job? There was no one. Even all the shows where they saw Sammie and I, we didn’t go together. I would always call him and tell him “oh I’m going to this show to perform and he too would also be attending, and I was always with Bena. So they probably saw us together and boom!! I’ve never had any relationship with him apart from our friendship. And people forget that I’m not a child.

 

If I decide today that I want to have a boyfriend, they will talk as usual, but nobody will kill me because it is my life. If I had a, so to speak, sexual relationship with a man, even if I don’t come out to spread it, its not something I would be running away from. By the way, Sammie is an adult, and he’s not a bad-looking guy. I see women who run and chase after him everyday. He even tells me of those chasing him, there’s nothing wrong with dating a person like that. So sometimes when I hear this thing about us, I just say its okay. In fact I hear they said we’re going to get married, they even gave us a date. There was a day he came to my house and my elder sister said to him “Sammie, I hear that you are going to get married and you didn’t tell me?” we were all laughing, that the reception must be at TBS (more laughter) I don’t have any funny relationship with Sammie. He’s just one guy I feel very comfortable with, and he knows all the things I’ve been through.