When you marked Jaiye’s one-year anniversary, why didn’t you do it with his family, though it was said that you started all the arrangement before it became jointly planned?

Let me clear something, it was never a joint thing. I didn’t hear anything from anybody, and I’d already said that I was going to do something for his anniversary, because on his birthday, we went to the cemetery to pray for him before going to church. So for his anniversary, I’d already started making plans because nobody told me that anybody was doing anything. I’d even gotten digi-print to do the banners and they did it for free. I’d done T-shirts and called those that would supply light, and I’d got the venue ready, The Vault, on the Island. So I had started sending out text messages that I was just doing something small on Saturday, and on Sunday, my family and I would be going to church. It was like a few days to the event that a message was sent to me that they were doing something on the Island as well. The person…I don’t know if they way he told me was the way they put it o, but that was the way it came across to me, that I cannot have my event, that it would confuse a lot of people and on that day, people would rather not go for anyone than to be seen as taking sides with anybody. It was very painful, as I had fixed my own day, done everything. It was just for people to attend, because I had sent messages out informing people of the date and venue. So when that message came to me, I thought about it, because it was very painful. I know how much had gone into getting the event planned. I’d already gone on to do a documentary, a tribute song; we’d shot a video, and was already editing it to show on that day. I talked about it with my family and they said to me “don’t let anybody come to say or think that you’re being stubborn. If they say they want to do something on that day on the Island, leave that day for them and just respect it, let them do what they want to do”. So I sent messages out again to people saying that “I’m sorry, I can’t do it anymore for reasons best known to me, but I’d make it up to them” and I thanked them, and we left it at that. Then 2 days before the event, this same person that was sent to me called me and said to me that I should come or send somebody to come pick invitation cards for me or for whoever is coming with me. And I’m like; “I am to pick up IVs to attend my own husband’s anniversary?” I actually sent the person and the person brought the IVs and I didn’t say anything. They even told me that they had set up a committee, and that I should come to a meeting. I thought to myself, they are expecting me to call and tell them what I want them to add, how I want them to put my name in the programme. So I told the person they sent that they’ve already concluded at their committee, so what am I coming to add? After a while, I said look, all this show that they are putting up for people is not necessary. If there’s a problem, there’s a problem, its not outsiders that will come and sort it out for us. All is not well between us, I am a Christian, and so I have to be honest with myself. So after that day, I didn’t hear anything from them. Then the night before the event, one of them now called me and said she hoped that I’m coming and that I’m bringing the children and I told her that I was not bringing the children. She now said that she heard I’d done banners, that can I send it to them and the other things I’d made and I said, no problem, I’ll send them. But I still went with my plans to wear the

My parents actually came to town because of the anniversary. So I said if I’m coming with my father, I will now give him IV, and he will show his IV at the gate to attend my late husband’s anniversary. I spoke with them before that show that same day, and I made it clear that I’m not coming, neither were my kids and we know why. We know it would look bad, people will not understand, but God knows that one day, they will understand that I’m tired of all this press war, deception, of making people think that all is well. If they know deep in their hearts that they don’t have anything against me and want us to settle this rift, let us meet and sort it out. But after I had that conversation with them, they held the event, and I was told that my name was mentioned that, “oh, we’re still expecting Stella.” Giving people the impression that I had given them my word that I was coming, but that I messed up. I even read in the papers that Stella bluffed their show. So I said, if that’s what they think, its okay. The next day, I went to church with my family and some friends, and my sister had a small reception, that was it. And since then, I didn’t want to say anything because I didn’t want it to seem like we’re fighting. I don’t like it; it’s not necessary because we are all adults. If you have anything against me, tell me, if I’d done it, I’ll say I’m sorry if there’s really a good reason for us to come together and mend fences, but I’m not begging for anything, nobody is feeding me and nobody is giving me anything.

Has there always been this cold war between you and his family even before you got married, and have you tried to understand what it is about?

So many times. There have been a lot of talks, a lot of meetings. Even Jaiye had told me on 2 or 3 occasions that he went to have meetings with them. If you ask me even until now what the problem is or why they don’t like me, I still don’t know. And I was hoping that with all the press talk, maybe at some point, one of them would say, “Stella did this or that”, because I really don’t have anything against them. Before Jaiye died, it wasn’t as if we were close, but they really never went out of their way to do anything bad to me. So left to me, everybody was just minding their own business.

 Published on Nigerians in America courtesy City People