Should Husbands Discipline Their Wives?

Discussion in 'Life, Love, Family, Sexes' started by mistiblue88, Sep 8, 2004.

  1. mistiblue88

    mistiblue88 Master Group

    Domestic Discipline, or DD, is a lifestyle which is quietly being adopted by a growing number of Christian couples. Some who have adopted this life style have found at least temporary benefit from it, but what is taught does not line up with the Word of God, and is a distortion of what God intended headship and submission to be.

    The are four basic premises of DD. There are some variations, but these seem to be the main beliefs:

    •The husband is in authority over his household and has the right/responsibility to discipline his entire household, including the wife.

    •DD is "responsible authority," meaning that if the husband is to have authority then he must be able to take action and mete out consequence in a tangible form.

    •Discipline is seen as a practical expression of love, a proactive way of helping a wife to grow and mature; motivating her to re-align her priorities so that she will not end up in mediocrity.

    •Discipline is expressed in loss of privileges, spanking, corner time, and writing appropriate sentences multiple times. DDers may include prayer, godly examples, and encouragement in their list of ways to discipline.

    Those who practice DD base their stance on scriptures:

    •Old Testament scriptures that describe God chastising his "adulterous" people (spiritual wife). DDers see a parallel of this in a husband's responsibility to chastise his wife.

    •Hebrews 12:5-11, Proverbs 10:13b, 13:24 and similar scriptures. DDers see this as God commending the use of discipline and by extension physical discipline.

    •Eph 5:22-25 Wives ought to submit to their husbands as the church is subject to Christ. DDers feel this command for wives to submit to their husbands is validation that a wife should submit to his use of physical punishment.

    DDers deny that:

    •discipline, including physical discipline, is for children only.
    •DD has anything in common with BDSM, abuse, master/slave relationships, erotic pain, or sexual play.
    •DD is degrading to women.
    •DD interferes with the one flesh union God calls couples to.

    Those who practice it, extol DD because:

    •they believe it to be in obedience to God's Word.
    •they see it as a part of God's plan for protection of women, and the exercise of authority over her.
    •they see it as a way of motivating a woman to change/grow.
    •it helps women to not seek control or inappropriate leadership, and teaches submission.
    •it makes peace in the home, children will not see their parents fighting as the father has ultimate authority.
    •it specifies limits of physical discipline, so that there will be no physical abuse.

    Men practicing DD considers those who are not rebellious or immature…weak brothers… something that maturity will take care of. So…if women need this kind of discipline, how do teens, singles and widows get what they need? The extension of this philosophy gets frightening pretty quick. Why would God meet this "need" in marriage and leave the rest without the "help" that they need? Or maybe fathers should discipline their girls until they are married, and singles/widows should be disciplined by the elders.

    How does DD play out in a marriage?

    DDers will point to very non-Christian sources to support the idea that DD is the way things should be. But, DD and "wife spanking" has been popular with a small segment of non-Christians far longer than Christians have been practicing DD.

    Who is calling the shots?[/B]

    One selling point among some DDers is that women want, and even ask for, domestic discipline. This is true enough - a good number of couples who are practicing DD are doing so because the wife wanted it, and kept asking her husband for it until he agreed. If this is about a man's authority, how can it be instigated by his wife?

    Does it cause growth?[/B]

    In some wives DD seems to spawn a loss of responsible behaviour. These women will "misbehave" because they feel the act is worth the punishment they will get for doing it. It's as if being spanked, or losing driving privileges for a couple of days, eliminates the wrong. It's free reign to do what ever you want, as long as you can deal with the punishment.

    Does it work long term?[/B]

    Some men who get "burned out" on DD after a while. Their wife was "not behaving better" or "seemed to enjoy being spanked." Some men report their wife seems more like a child to them, or that regularly spanking her "was tearing them up."

    Daily DD

    Some DDers practice what are called "maintenance sessions." These sessions, usually done daily, consist of the wife listing all the rules she has broken, and the husband meting out what he considers appropriate disciple. Some DDers advocate that every maintenance session end with a spanking, even if no violations are reported by the wife.


    In DD circles there are women who call themselves "brats." These women will "break a rule" or "misbehave" on purpose, just to get punished. Some admit it's the only way they can get attention from their husband - not unlike the child who acts out to get a busy parent's attention. Other brats admit they enjoy being spanked.


    DD is very often sexual in nature, and is often a sexual turn-on for one or both spouses. Most Christian DDers deny this, while non-Christian DDers often play up the sexual aspects of what they do. While spanking is said to be only one of many punishments that can be used, it is clearly the primary choice for the majority of DDers, and the only choice for a good many. Some DDers put a great deal of importance on the wife's rear being completely naked when she is spanked. The reasons range from claims that a pair of panties reduces the pain of a spanking up to 50%, to flesh to flesh contact being emotionally or even spiritually important.

    Maintenance sessions most often take place at bed time, and for many DD couples this means that sex frequently or always occurs right after a spanking. Some DD wives report being aroused after a spanking, but most claim it's a result of "feeling loved by their husband" rather than the spanking itself. A few wives have admitted they can not enjoy sex if it is not preceded by a spanking. Some DD husbands admit to having erections when they spank their wife, but deny the erections are desired or enjoyed.

    So why are some couples attracted to the DD life style?[/I]

    A high percentage of Christian DD woman desire their husbands to be in authority. The problem is that they are responding to the need with the quick fix of DD - and it doesn't really fix the problem. Men are made to be in authority or are shamed into it (because if they don't they are considered rebellious, lazy or unloving).

    Another group is looking for a similar quick fix for marriage and family problems. No more arguments, no more division, instant peace. But simplistic role playing destroys the possibility of maturing in a marriage relationship, and leaves the children without a model for healthy relating.
    Some are using DD to legitimize sexual fetishes. Desiring spanking may be wrong in their minds, so giving it "biblical validity" makes spanking OK. It is also a legitimized outlet for those who emotionally need to dominate/punish or be dominated/punished.

    DD can also look good to a woman who wants to be free from having to make decisions, or taking responsibility in life. All responsibility falls on the husband and the wife is relegated to child status. If she does not live up to her responsibility she gets a spanking, and that's the end of it. There is little effort or motivation to grow into a mature woman of God.

    Many couples have grown tired of the kind of marriage our society advocates, finding it incomplete and empty. On the surface DD may seem to offer a better way of living as man and wife, because it does advocate headship and submission, both of which are biblical concepts. Advocates even say DD has improved their marriage. But upon close examination it's become obvious that DD does not live up to the claims made for it, especially in the long term. DD is contrary to what the Bible teaches, and counter productive to developing the kinds of lives and marriages God has called us to have.

    In 1 Peter 3:7…

    men are told to honor their wives - the Greek word means "honor which belongs or is shown to one; the honor which one has by reason of rank and state of office which he holds; deference, reverence." So the idea of spanking or otherwise disciplining a person who is to be honored is completely contradictory.

    Source: The Marriage Bed (Domestic Discipline) by Paul & Lori Byerly.
  2. Akowe

    Akowe Guest

    Wait where do you come up with you own topics?

    I have read most of your topics and it is very interesting.......

    But from the title and not reading through the whole of the body, i will tell you this much, no man is god and i remember when i got married my pstor said something to me that i will never forget, that my wife is now my partner and that i should treat her like i would want to be treated, and that it doesn't mean i am above her or vise versa.....

    What am trying to say is no man has the right to decipline his wife or even spouse.

    Nigerians just take culture above the limits of culture if i may say so.

  3. Nozza

    Nozza A.L.F.

    Anyone who practices DD and uses Scripture to justify it really doesn't know what they're talking about. Many a biblical passage has been misinterpreted by people to suit their own agendas.

    This isn't limited to Nigerians. Sadly there are a lot of people out there who believe that this is the right way to go, otherwise you don't "love" your spouse. Utter RUBBISH!!!
  4. maverixz

    maverixz The Devil's Advocate

    Another display of bible quote(s) misuse!
  5. positivewoman

    positivewoman Keepin it real & positive

    very interesting. but would never fly in my house.
  6. CeCe

    CeCe Registered User

    WHAT IN THE WORLD!!!!????? Who, but when, how, WHY! Look I can't even speak! Just plain craziness!
  7. Nozza

    Nozza A.L.F.

    I done tell y'all that the crazy season is upon us! For everyone else it happens in summer, for us in comes with fall/autumn!!!
  8. timogose

    timogose Master Group

    This is the first time I am 'hearing' this [DD?], in my humble opinion;

    "This wisdom descendeth not from above, but is earthly, sensual, devilish.
    But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be intreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy."
  9. luvincali

    luvincali MVP

    should wives castrate their husbands?

    :fdev :devil
  10. SexyDoc9

    SexyDoc9 Master Group

    It just shows that there are a lot of extremely insecure men out there.

    These are the kinds of beliefs and attitudes that cause women to be sent to jail for blowing someone's head off.
  11. luvincali

    luvincali MVP

    lol for real
  12. Blackqueen

    Blackqueen Master Group

    Insane. LOL

    Hell No, it is not his job.

    Of course this was written by a man.
  13. mistiblue88

    mistiblue88 Master Group

    1) Life - mine and others

    2) Anthropology, Sociology, Human Sexuality and Marriage and Family Counseling classes in college

    3) Curiousity ( Leo is my sun sign)

    Truth is stranger than fiction.
  14. Blackqueen

    Blackqueen Master Group

    I knew u were one of the fire signs.........
    just didnt' know which
  15. Nozza

    Nozza A.L.F. is a pretty good website, IMHO. It doesn't surprise me that they say (and I think we can easily overlook it):
    How many of us would never have heard of this unless it was put out there? It would be interesting to find out who the proponents of "Domestic Discipline" are.
  16. Sola

    Sola Administrator Staff Member

    Who swallows all these horoscope junk? You do?
  17. Blackqueen

    Blackqueen Master Group

    No Sola, I don't do horoscopes.
    I do do Astrology, there is a difference.
  18. maverixz

    maverixz The Devil's Advocate

    Some did. Should husbands cut of their wives' breasts? ;)
  19. Sola

    Sola Administrator Staff Member

    Oh Astrology? Difference? I should look into that. So what do you get out of astrology?
  20. Blackqueen

    Blackqueen Master Group

    Actually, I have been into astrology since I was
    a child...
    I know it is a "sin" and all....but it has always been very
    interesting to me.

    It is very deep actually. It is alot more than just a "sign"...
    Horoscopes are pure lies...totally made up.
    Astrology is also lies to alot of people, but I find 95% of it to be
    very true..and actually scarey.

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